Christmases When Ryan Was Troy's
by Shaelynn Stark
Summary: It's Christmastime in Albequerque & Troy & Ryan are missing each other. Can Troy win back the love of his life in time for the holidays?
1. Christmases When You Were Mine

**Christmases When You Were Mine**

**Disclaimer:**  
I own nothing and make no profit from this story. No copyright infringement intended. This was just for fun!

**Rating:**  
K+ (PG-13)

**Genre:**  
Romance/Angst

**Pairing:**  
Tryan

**Lyrics Used:**  
"Christmases When You Were Mine"-Taylor Swift

"Not This Year"-Aly & AJ

Christmases When You Were Mine

It was a week before Christmas Eve in Albequerque. Ryan Evans could be found sitting on a local parkbench observing young couples walking through the crisp fresh-fallen snow. As he sat there, his mind drifted back to last Christmas. The last time he had been truly happy.

_Ryan and his boyfriend, Troy Bolton, were celebrating their first Christmas together. Things hadn't been easy for them. Ever since they'd gotten together, their friends and families had fought desperately to make them reconsider. Mostly Troy's basketball teammates. They had even gone so far as to actually kick Troy off the team. Eventually, their parents at least came to be happy for them. However, Sharpay and far too many other kids at school had not been so forgiving. But, that hadn't mattered to either of them. They were happy and that was all they cared about._

_Troy had given Ryan a "T" shaped pendant on an elegant silver necklace. "'T' as in 'Troy'?" Ryan had asked, happily as he opened his eyes after Troy had laid the beautiful necklace around his neck._

"_Well-...Yeah..." Troy replied, failing to come up with any other reasoning._

_Both boys smiled as they shared a chaste but passionate kiss before Ryan gave Troy his gift. He gave Troy a DVD of video clips of them together with the song "We'll Be Together" by Ashley Tisdale._

Ryan remembered the tears that leaked from Troy's eyes as they had sat down to watch the music video he had given him. But, then, he remembered the tears he, himself, had shed a few months ago.

"_Ry...We need to talk..." Troy said reluctantly._

"_Sure, Troy...What about?" Ryan asked, trying to remain upbeat though he knew all too well what was coming next. He wasn't an idiot. He knew what the words 'We need to talk' almost always meant._

"_I think it'd be best if we stopped seeing each other..." Troy replied with a heavy sigh. He still couldn't quite understand why he was doing this. He knew everyone else was telling him that it was the right thing to do, but, he just wasn't so sure. _It sure as hell doesn't feel so right! _He thought to himself._

_Ryan was silent. For the first time in his life, Ryan Evans was truly speechless. True, he'd never really been that outspoken, but, that was different. That was simply because he preferred to just keep his thoughts to himself to avoid conflict. But, now, he was truly at a loss for words. He couldn't even begin to grasp what was really happening. He knew Troy was under a lot of stress from the taunting and the teasing, but, he never thought it would ever actually come tothis__"W-what?" He asked. "But...Troy, I thought this was what you wanted..." He added, confused as to why Troy would leave him. "I thought you loved me..." He added, his voice small and broken._

_Troy felt his heart breaking with each word that was said. "I do, Ry...I really do...I just think this'll be best for both of us." Troy added, hoping Ryan would just let things go and not make this any harder than it already was._

"_Well...I guess if this is what you really want, then, that's good enough for me." Ryan replied, resigning himself to the cold and bitter truth. "You know I've only ever wanted you to be happy. And, if this is what it takes, then, so be it." Ryan finished, tears leaking from his eyes._

"_Thanks for understanding, Ry..." Troy stated, finally. Stepping forward, he embraced Ryan for one final time with a quick peck on the cheek. The embrace ended far too soon for either one. The tears flowed freely as Troy walked away._

As Ryan thought of these memories and all the others he had created with Troy, he grasped the 'T' pendant which he still wore, caressing it gently. He didn't really know why he still wore it. He supposed it was because it made him feel closer to Troy. After releasing the pendant, he picked up his guitar which he always kept with him during times like these. After tuning the strings, Ryan began strumming and singing the words coming to mind.

"_Please take down the misletoe  
Cause I don't wanna think about that right now  
Cause everything I want is miles away  
In a snow covered little town  
My momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me  
Season's greetings, hope you're well  
Well I'm doing alright  
If you were wondering  
Lately I can never tell"_

What Ryan hadn't been counting on, however was the fact that a certain brunette happened to be out for a jog nearby. Close enough, in fact, to hear Ryan's heartwrenching song. Troy Bolton was out for another jog when Ryan had started his song. Jogging was a habit Troy had picked up ever since he left Ryan. It gave him something else to concentrate on besides the regret of leaving the first-and, quite possibly only-person to love him for who he was inside and not for being captain of the basketball team. Ryan was the only person who ever accepted Troy as he was and didn't try to change him and he was stupid enough to leave him. He should have known better. Even leaving Ryan wasn't enough to get his old life back. Now, he had absolutely nothing left.

Troy was then pulled out of his reverie with a soft melodious voice drifted over him. He instantly recognized it as belonging to Ryan. He wasn't sure why, but, he found himself drawn to the sound. Slipping behind a nearby tree, Troy stopped and listened to the song. As he listened to the lyrics, he knew they were about him. He hated himself for doing this to Ryan. He couldn't help the tears leaking from his eyes as he listened to the heartwrenching melody.

"_I know this shouldn't be a lonely time  
But there were Christmases when you were mine"_

Troy knew he was the reason Ryan was so depressed. He knew he had to figure out how to make things right. But, what if he couldn't? What if Ryan didn't want him back? These questions and a thousand others raced inside Troy's head as he listened to more of the song.

"_I've been doing fine without you, really  
Up until the nights got cold  
And everybody's here, except you, baby  
Seems like everyone's got someone to hold"_

He didn't know how, but, Troy knew he had to at least try to make things right between himself and Ryan. But, how?

"_But for me it's just a lonely time  
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine"_

As he continued listening to Ryan's song, Troy found himself relating to it just as much as it sounded like Ryan did. _Maybe, I can win him back, afterall..._Troy thought to himself with the first shred of hope since his mistake. _I'll never know unless I try..._

"_Merry Christmas everybody  
That'll have to be something I just say this year  
I'll bet you got your mom another sweater  
And were your cousins late again  
When you were putting up the lights this year  
Did you notice one less pair of hands"_

Troy began slowly formulating a plan to show Ryan how truly sorry he was and how much he still loved him. He knew just how to get through to Ryan.

"_I know this shouldn't be a lonely time  
But there were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight  
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine"_

By this time, Troy had fallen to his knees listening to the song. It was here he sat, thinking of how to go about winning his one and only love back. He sat there, sinking through the inches of snow, thinking of how to convey his unchanged feelings for the blonde drama king. He was drawn out of his thoughts when the last line of the song seemed to speak to him the most.

"_You were mine"_

It was right then and there that Troy knew exactly what he had to do. He knew exactly what to say. Rising to his feet, Troy Bolton bolted as fast as his legs could carry him all the way back home. Upon arriving at his house, Troy ran straight up to his bedroom. After changing into some dry clothes, he picked up his own acoustic guitar his parents had given him for his latest birthday. After strumming on the strings for a few minutes, he found a melody he liked and the words began pouring from somewhere deep within him. They seemed to say exactly what he was feeling.


	2. Where Are You, Christmas?

**Christmases When You Were Mine**

**Disclaimer:**  
I own nothing nor do I make any profit from this fic. No copyright infringement intended. This was just for fun!

**Rating:**  
K+ (PG-13)

**Genre:**  
Romance/Angst

**Pairing:**  
Tryan

**Lyrics Used:**  
"Where Are You Christmas"-Faith Hill

* * *

Where Are You, Christmas  


Troy Bolton sat in his bedroom, strumming and working on lyrics for what could have been hours, he wasn't really sure, when he heard a knock at his door promptly followed by the sound of his father's voice.

"Troy, son, there's somebody here to see ya..." Jack Bolton called to his son. Ever since he had come to accept Troy's relationship with Ryan, he had become increasingly happy for his son. So, naturally, he was worried about him when he broke up with the young blonde.

"Send them in." Troy called back, distantly. He hadn't really focused on what his father was telling him. His mind was too absorbed in the song he'd been writing for Ryan.

Needless to say, Troy was more than a little surprised to see none other than Ryan Evans walk into his bedroom. Troy looked up at the young blonde and they locked eyes for what felt like an eternity but was probably only about five seconds. Eventually, Ryan broke the not entirely uncomfortable silence.

"That sounded good." He replied, trying to make small talk to avoid what he had really come there to do. Truth be told, he was going insane not being with Troy. He knew he had to do something before his family had him institutionalized.

"Thanks." Troy replied nervously. _What's he doing here?_ Troy wondered as he invited Ryan to sit next to him on the bed.

Sighing slightly, Ryan replied "Look, Troy...I know you're probably wondering what I'm doing here. But, the truth is...I needed to talk to you. I had to let you know how I feel about you." He explained, seeming to have read Troy's mind. He paused a moment, searching for the right words. "Troy, I've been going absolutely insane ever since you left me. And, I know this is probably pathetic of me to even do this, but, I had to let you know that I still love you and will continue to do so until the day I die."

Troy couldn't believe what he was hearing. After the way he had treated Ryan, he was still in love with him?! _God, what did I do to deserve him?_Troy thought to himself. He was drawn out of his reverie when his mind registered that Ryan was getting up to leave. Without thinking, Troy reached out and lightly grabbed onto Ryan's arm to stop him.

"No, wait!" Troy blurted out. "Please...Don't go yet..." He added. _It's now or never, Troy. _He thought to himself after taking a steadying breath.

Now, Ryan was the confused one. _Why would he want me to stay? _He thought to himself curiously. Any other time, he wouldn't have believed it and just left anyway. But, this was Troy he was dealing with. Curiosity got the better of him and he sat back down next to Troy to find out what Troy could possibly want with him.

"Listen, Ry..." Troy began. Ryan nearly broke down at the sound of Troy's old nickname for him. He hadn't realized until then just how much he'd missed it. "I was at the park this afternoon and I heard you singing that song and...Well...It made realize that my feelings for you never changed either. I still love you, too, Ry. And, I realize I had to have been the biggest idiot in history to have walked away from you."

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd waited for months to hear Troy say these things. _I don't believe it! Troy Bolton is still in love with me?! _He thought to himself, trying to wrap his mind around all that Troy was telling him.

"Anyway, Ry, I wrote a song about you. I was planning to sing it for you later, but, I guess now's as good a time as any..." Troy added, re-tuning his guitar. Clearing his throat, Troy took a deep breath as he began to sing.

"_Where are you Christmas  
Why can't I find you  
Why have you gone away  
Where is the laughter  
You used to bring me  
Why can't I hear music play"_

Ryan couldn't believe all this was happening. He just sat there in shock and continued listening to Troy sing. _God, how I missed his voice!_ He thought to himself as he basked in the heavenly music that was Troy's voice.

"_My world is changing  
I'm rearranging  
Does that mean Christmas changes too"_

Ryan's heart was aching as he continued listening to the song. He could tell that Troy had poured his heart and soul into this song.

"_Where are you Christmas  
Do you remember  
The one you used to know  
I'm not the same one  
See what the time's done  
Is that why you have let me go"_

Ryan was beginning to wonder where exactly Troy was going with this song until he heard the next verse.

"_Christmas is here  
Everywhere, oh  
Christmas is here  
If you care, oh "_

Ryan listened to Troy singing his heart out to him. He couldn't believe how things were working out.

"_If there is love in your heart and your mind  
You will feel like Christmas all the time"_

As Troy began to sing the next verse, Ryan couldn't help singing along.

"_I feel you Christmas  
I know I've found you  
You never fade away  
The joy of Christmas  
Stays here inside us  
Fills each and every heart with love"_

Troy looked upand locked eyes with Ryan as they finished out the song together.

"_Where are you Christmas  
Fill your heart with love"_

"I'm so sorry I ever hurt you." Troy replied. "Look, Ry...I know I don't deserve you, you deserve so much better than me it's not even funny. I just...I just thought you should know that I'll always love you." He added. Once he was finished, Troy shifted his gaze downward, trying to hide his fresh tears from Ryan. _I've already burdened him with enough. He doesn't need to see me cry on top of it all._

However, Troy was caught off guard when Ryan's hand reached for his, their fingers intertwining as Ryan gently caressed Troy's hand with his thumb. He knew Troy was crying for him. "Troy...Do you really think I would go out of my way to come over here just to tell you how I feel and not take you back?" He asked. When Troy remained silently staring at the ground, he continued. "No, I wouldn't have. Granted, I didn't come over with the specific intention of asking you for another chance, but, that doesn't mean that I wasn't gonna take you back if the subject had come up."

It was then that Troy looked up at Ryan, his eyes shining with still falling tears. "You shouldn't..." He whispered brokenly.

"What are you talking about?" Ryan asked, confused by what Troy was trying to say. He wasn't even sure he'd actually heard him correctly.

"You shouldn't take me back." Troy clarified. "Ry, I hurt you. Do you know how hard it is for me to live with myself knowing that?! It's unbearable! I can't risk doing it to you all over again." He added, his voice small and broken and entirely uncharacteristic of him.

Resting a hand on Troy's cheek, Ryan replied gently "You won't."

"How can you possibly know that?" Troy asked, his voice growing thicker with emotion with each word.

"I can see it in your eyes." Ryan replied. "Troy, you wouldn't be crying over all this if there was any way you could allow yourself to hurt me again." He paused a moment before adding "Besides, I know you. I know the _real _you. And the _real _Troy Bolton would never have left me in the first place. I knew all along that it was just the peer pressure getting to you. Granted, I was a little disappointed in myself for not being there for you-"

"You were." Troy interrupted. "You were always there for me when I needed you! You were the best damn thing to ever happen to me. And, I just threw away all that we had together just because I couldn't take the taunting and being an outcast!" He added defeatedly.

"Troy, my point is...You keep saying that I deserve better. To be honest with you, I don't give a damn about what I 'deserve'. I _want _you, Troy! I always have and that'll never change." Ryan added, trying to get through to Troy. "And, I know, deep down, you want me, too. Why are you denying yourself what _you _deserve?"

"I'm not." Troy replied. "I'm giving myself exactly what I deserve. And that's living without you. I hurt you. I shouldn't even be given the privilege of knowing you!"

"Troy, you're only human! So, you made a mistake, hell, we all make mistakes. But, it's like my dad always used to say. 'It's not a mistake if you learn from it.'. Troy, I know we can make this work. Please." By now, Ryan was on his knees in front of Troy, holding Troy's hands in his and pleading with him.

Troy remained silent as he read the pleading look in Ryan's piercing blue eyes.

In one final attempt to reach out to Troy, Ryan added in a desperate pleading whisper. "I need you, Troy...Please."

Shifting slightly, Troy stood up from his place on the bed, pulling Ryan up with him. Without a word, he threw his arms around Ryan's shoulders and held him close. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much!" He sobbed into the crook of Ryan's neck.

Smiling as he held Troy close, Ryan gently messaged soothing circles into Troy's back as he whispered into his ear. "It's okay. I know. I love you, too!"

Pulling back, Troy stared into piercing blue eyes with his own chocolate eyes glimmering with fresh tears. Again, without a word, he slowly leaned in and captured Ryan's warm soft lips with his own. It was a tender kiss yet full of months of supressed passion. As they pulled apart as the need for oxygen grew too intense to ignore, Troy asked "So...Are we okay?"

Smiling his first genuine smile in months, Ryan replied "Yeah, Troy. We are _definitely_ okay."


End file.
